Andrew Dodd – The Wave


Initiator Artist: Andrew Dodd
Artwork Title: The Wave
Medium: Watercolor
Price: $660

Responder Author: Barry Hampshire
Writing Title: Kind Canute on the Rocks
Size: 11″x17″
Price: $100


In 1022, King Canute of England, Denmark, Norway, and a portion of Sweden commandeth he be seen as the king o’er all, which doth include human life, sentient beings, and all that compriseth the natural world, which be the realm of creatures, greater and smaller, the skies with yon heavens and stars above, the seas with its abundance of fishes and creatures that didst crawl across the seabed, and the air that bloweth with the strength of horses such that birds might soareth to heights from whence they canst dive upon prey on which they might fill their guts.

Once the king hath made such a proclamation, it becamest the duty of his majesty’s Privy Council to fathometh a suitable mode by which all his majesty’s subjects canst witness proof that the king didst rule o’er all, but his council did labor with no result, after sending forth messengers to all corners of the globe to seeketh wise words in such matters, which left the council no place to find solace until Lord Walter of Sussex suggesteth King Canute turn the tides back to demonstrate his power o’er all, as he, Lord of Sussex, hath tried and failed.

Preparations and planning for this spectacle requireth months of work by the Privy Council, craftsmen, and courtiers who were challenged to perform tasks that hath ne’er before crossed their minds, which normally overruneth with decisions like lavender versus rose, decisions such dandies doth spend weeks fretting upon before they wouldst pivot, at the last moment, to gardenia, after a lustful night in the stable’s hay loft, whence many a bastard or broken heart found their roots, but in such dire circumstances, the courtiers achieveth the impossible and maketh the necessary arrangements for their King Canute’s encounter with the sea.

Lord Walter arrangeth for the king and many of his entourage and courtiers to resideth at his estate’s mansion for several days in hope the weather may be favorable, which hath happened less often than the times his majesty hit his piss pot in the midst of the night, awoken by fears about this endeavor that hath plagued him so and he begineth to contemplate a distraction, sailing an army to plundereth Normandy with the wish to lay claim to vineyards and vast wine stocks that surpasseth his coffers’ ability to purchase but he hath a desire to consume.

On one sunny morn, King Canute proceedeth from the mansion unto the beach and onto a rock that layeth besides a channel, which alloweth the tide to surge steadily toward a section of sandy beach, on which one of the king’s thrones had been positioned for him to sit upon whilst servants taketh his shoes from his feet and he commandeth, “Tide, I forbid you to wet mine stockinged feet,” but the next wave intendeth to soak the royal hose, causing King Canute to roareth, “Heads wilt roll for this,” which given the historical era, wasn’t an empty threat.


Copyright © 2024 by Barry Hampshire