Responder: Colleen Gonzalez – To Free Our Souls


Responder Author: Colleen Gonzalez
Writing Title: To Free Our Souls
Price: $110

They tell me to write about my pain and grief. How can I do that when my words make you real again? I bring you back to life and it is as if I can touch you again. You reach out to me and I briefly feel your embrace. The scent of your skin and the tickle of your hair on my cheek makes it all come rushing back. You are here and my contentment is restored, but it never lasts. When I reach out, you are an apparition. Why would I continue to torture myself in this way? Is this supposed to be the balm to soothe my unbearable pain?

And what does this do to you? Surely, your soul cannot rest. You must feel the pull from my perpetual grief. I wonder if you see beautiful prisms of light that you wish to frolic in. Yet, my selfishness keeps you tethered to this human existence.

For a time, if my heart ached, it was proof of my eternal devotion to you and I was sure that it would consume me and unite us once again. As each passing morning would awaken me, however, I would be confronted with the heaviness of another day. You did not take my hand during my slumber and lead me to the secret place you now inhabit. I am still alone and the pain that once nourished me like a sweet nectar has grown bitter.

I will never know why we were separated in this way. Our souls must continue this journey alone…for now.

Release me and I shall do the same for you. Dance with the angels and I will toil with mortals. I will work, eat and sleep. Maybe I will smile again one day. Instead of dreaming that we are together, I will picture you enchanted, twirling and laughing amongst the clouds. I will remember that our love echoes through the living and the dead, and fills the space between dust and heaven. This will help me withstand the days, years or decades until our souls are reunited.

Now, I lay down my pen. This is my treaty to you. Our agreement for life and death. I inhale your vibrant soul one last time. My fingers loosen so that you may fly away. You are a bird and I throw open the window. I shut this book for the last time. Be free my love.

© 2023 Colleen Gonzalez